Unsolicited health advice: setting boundaries with others
Dr. Joe Public
By Trish Dyne · Originally published 29 March 2017
Original article
It seems so strange to me that so many people have an opinion about chronically ill sufferers and feel entitled to voice it.
Seriously.
Yesterday, a lady I had never met before and who had no idea who I was or what my illness was felt completely comfortable telling me, “it’s all about attitude. If you believe you will get better, you will. You should try…”
I was surprised by this level of uninvited judgement she felt comfortable sharing with me! Would it have been ok to do that to her?
It was obvious to me by her appearance that I could guess her nationality, which I could have used to make my own sweeping statements and generalisations about what she _could _or _should _do. But I believe that this behaviour is not appropriate or respectful and to make assumptions about people based on their gender, nationality, faith, religion, education and sexuality is just plain wrong! Apparently it’s ok to judge the sick!
In fact, it’s so common that it is rare when people don’t judge or form their own medical conclusions. Even though they aren’t doctors or in your body.
The chronically ill are constantly told how we should eat and to “…try that, change this, take this, be more something…” and so on and so forth.
All judgements made about us without even the slightest clue about our illness, what we have tried, what we have done, or what we do everyday!
It’s insulting. It’s ridiculous. And it’s rude!
I have never walked up to a complete stranger and told them how to live their life or passed judgement on what type of person they are or what they should do better. And… I know I never would.
It happens so regularly that I felt it worth blogging about. I believe that it illustrates the level of disrespect that the chronically ill and ‘invisibly disabled’ are subjected to. We’re probably some of the most openly disrespected group of people around.
I invite you all to consider this carefully and to ask yourself what we can do, or what we might try to do, to combat this behaviour and reclaim our rights to respect and consideration. I think that is the least we deserve after all we have been through.
Trish Dyne
Trish advocates for autoimmune fighters, their carers and supporters. For more from Trish, you can visit her website.
Clickability editorial update: October 2026
Decide how much of your health story you want to share
You can explain what help you want without providing a full medical history. A short response such as “I have a care team; what would help today is a lift” can redirect a conversation towards something useful. If you want advice, you can say what kind and who you would prefer to discuss it with.
With a service provider, agree how information will be shared and who can be involved. Commission rights and responsibilities standards address privacy, dignity and informed choice. Your preferences deserve to be heard even when someone believes their suggestion is helpful.
Ask before offering a solution
Check whether the person wants ideas, practical assistance or simply someone to listen. Repeated suggestions about diet, attitude or an unverified treatment can make a conversation harder. Respect a decision to change the subject or keep health details private.
Agree one concrete form of help and follow through. If you are worried about a change in health, describe what you have noticed and ask how the person wants support in speaking with their treating team. Do not infer an illness from appearance or assume the same advice suits everyone.
