Disability and dating: Mark’s story of connection and confidence

Granted, it’s a cliched opener, but it’s surprising how many online dating profiles have openers like that. I suppose it’s cliche because there’s truth to it – people genuinely want to find others who enjoys these things. The only problem is that my wheelchair gets bogged in sand and on hikes, while spontaneous road trips and world travel tend to prove impossible when you’ve got to lug a wheelchair around with you.

By nature, humans are social creatures that always seek out contact with others in their daily lives. A smile in the street or a compliment from a stranger are small acts that lift spirits and instil confidence. But what does it mean to try this dating game when you have a disability? To be measured against that criteria above?

I had the odd girlfriend growing up in primary school but I lived a fair trek away – this was before the internet and mobile phones – so I struggled to hang out on weekends and thus my relationships were generally short lived. High school came and I attended a school even further from home. I entered the hormonal teenage years and I steadily became more introverted and could count the number of people I saw outside of school on one hand with a closed fist – not that I can make a closed fist with my disability, but the point still stands.

I started having issues relating to people and slowly lost the ability to make close friends, so while others were pairing up and going to dances, I was trying to understand how I could make myself fit into this teenage world. Me being me, I let things go and eventually high school passed me by. I never had a girlfriend in all those years or since. When you think about it or write it down, that’s a crazy amount of time. I never really put myself out there to be loved or hurt, all because I didn’t want to be rejected for some potential flaw. (Let’s be honest, flaw = wheelchair in my mind.)

I needed to change that, so I looked to the Internet. Over the last few years online dating has become the norm. It’s an area where you can be free of your disability, if just for a little while, where your personality comes to the fore. Like many people, I have dabbled in the online arena without much success, but I keep trying. I’ve been asked tonnes of weird disability-related questions, but despite my lack of success, I’ll keep trying.

Trying to start a relationship when you have very little experience seems like an insurmountable hill that I may never climb. But like my parents said, you can do anything if you put your mind to it, and that is something that I will keep with me throughout my life. I’ll keep being me, because if I can’t accept myself and flaws, how can I expect others to?

Mark is a board member of the Queensland Powerchair Football Association and representative of the state team. He also volunteers extensively within the disability sector.