Disability, masturbation and personal privacy

Cyndi Lauper sang about it, so did Violent Femmes. Matthew McConaughey asked Leonardo DiCaprio in the “Wolf of Wall Street” how many times a day he did it, and told him to do it more often. Are you ready to continue the conversation on sex? This time I’m using the M word.

Each person has only one physical aspect that they carry throughout their entire life, their own body. Regardless of how it looks, works or is perceived by others, the body belongs to and is with the individual throughout their life.

The human body in all its wondrous varieties is a truly remarkable and complex organism. Each of the twelve body systems is integrated and the overall health and well-being of the person is dependent on the health of each system. At this point you`re probably wondering what this has to do with masturbation?

Masturbation is simply solo sex, which, just like consensual partnered sex, provides an option for the release of sexual tension. Orgasms have been shown to improve the health of the person by releasing endorphins – the so called “feel good” chemicals from the brain (yes, you can get it from eating chocolate too but unlike chocolate there are no calories!)

Endorphins are also the bodies’ natural response to pain, anxiety and stress. So orgasms help to improve mood and reduce pain levels. While masturbation is a normal part of human experiences, it has been the subject of vilification and shaming and consequently set up entire generations of humans to have serious issues with their own bodies. Generations of teenagers were told it was sin, that they would go “blind’, “mad”, get hairy palms or warts… younger readers may be shocked by this nonsense but it was pre- Google!

Masturbation also enables people (especially women) to learn what feels good for them. Masturbation encompasses a term for all genders but has been traditionally associated with males so it`s interesting that the Swedish Association for Sexuality.

Education (RFSU) settled on a word for female masturbation, ”Klittra”. The RFSU chose ”klittra”, a portmanteau of “clitoris” and “glitter”, because “it highlights the importance of the clitoris for pleasure” and as the clitoris is the only organ whose sole purpose is for pleasure, of course it should have its own term!

Sex, whether partnered or solo should be pleasurable. Masturbation or Klittra, gives the opportunity to learn what feels good and makes it is easier to discuss preferences in partnered sex. Masturbation is an opportunity to explore other ways of enjoying sexual experiences. Introducing something as simple as a good quality lubricant, an adult toy such as a masturbator sleeve or prostate massager for men or a “lay on” (a clitoral stimulator) or vibrator for women can further enhance pleasure and understanding of how the body responds to stimuli.

For people who live in shared accommodation or have additional physical restrictions, masturbation can be made into an issue. The perceptions by support workers, service providers and family members towards sexuality can project and enforce shame and vilification on the person who requires support.

While certain fundamentals such as privacy, a safe place and respect are paramount in providing any person the opportunity to explore and experience masturbation and sexual release, it also needs to be seen in terms of being a normal mechanism for maintaining wellbeing and affirming that people are first and foremost human beings.