Sharing a supported home: Kat’s perspective on moving in

A natural progression of any relationship is that eventually the couple may wish to move in together.  Sometimes one partner will move into the other partner’s existing place, and other times the couple will decide to seek a new place for themselves to live.  Sometimes you don’t have that many choices.

When I met Todd through online dating and we first started a relationship, he was everything I had dreamed about.  He was caring, patient, loving, smart, hilarious and fiercely independent.  Our first meeting was a little awkward for me.  We had planned to meet in the city, however because of the poor weather (and by poor weather I mean massive storm), which really doesn’t mesh well with power wheelchairs, I drove to his apartment after work and we settled on the idea of a movie in instead.  I was nervous.  Accompanying the normal “first-date” nerves, was the anxiety of meeting at his apartment, which he’d described as supported accommodation for young people living with high care needs.  With little to no exposure to disability prior to meeting Todd I didn’t know what to expect and in my mind, I’d imagined it similar to the layout of an aged care home and felt fairly apprehensive about it.

When you look on the Youngcare Australia website you’ll see on the home page in big, bold letters, “all young people deserve to live young lives”.  It is for this reason exactly why the initial visit to Todd’s apartment was not at all as I’d imagined.  As I walked in through the main “lobby” area it was like any other block of apartments with a mutual entry point, a few people wandering around, nothing clinical at all.  Definitely not like an aged care home.  When we were sitting in Todd’s lounge room chatting, a carer came in at one point to talk to Todd, unaware that I was there.  As soon as they walked in, I sensed that they felt apprehensive about intruding on Todd’s own personal space, definitely not like an aged care home where the space feels public and the support workers feel free to roam in and out as they please.

The most anxious moment for me wasn’t moving in with Todd, it was spending my first night at his apartment.  I was worried that our privacy would be interrupted and that it wouldn’t be at all like a “normal” overnight stay at a partner’s home.  I was wrong.  The Wesley Mission staff here have all been super accommodating.  As soon as we’d made the decision that I would be staying the night, Todd spoke to the staff to let them know.  It’s not something you’d normally have to do in a relationship, but for the benefit of all involved, it was the right way to proceed.  It ensured our privacy, as well as making the event comfortable for all others who may be caught unaware.

Todd and I had only broached the topic of moving in together in passing conversation previously, as we knew when the time eventually came, we would have a lot of options.  My place was not accessible at all and if Todd and I decided to move out elsewhere together he would no longer qualify for the 24/7 care he was currently receiving, as his funding was tied to his placement.  Being a relatively new relationship, moving out together was not suitable.  If for some reason our relationship ended, the chances of Todd being offered another place in a Youngcare apartment, where he could live his young life would be near impossible.  Simply put, it wasn’t worth the risk.

When Todd mentioned that the staff at the apartments had asked if I would be moving in, we seriously discussed the topic for the first time.  What originally seemed as though it would be years down the track, now had the possibility of being much, much sooner.  We met with a couple of important Wesley Mission staff, and they were committed to helping us make it happen.  The topics of privacy and occupational safety for both Todd and myself were introduced by these staff and decisions were made and quickly implemented to ensure our needs were met.

We have been living together for just over a month now and I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions of my life.  It’s great being able to live with Todd without having to take on the entire responsibility for his care so early on in our relationship (he was adamant he did not want this).  It’s great having that support around whilst we live our lives just like any other young couple who’ve just moved in together, and for that I am eternally grateful to both Youngcare Australia and Wesley Mission Brisbane.

You can now read Todd’s account of the move on Clickability too!